Live-blogging E!’s Red Carpet coverage:
7:05: Why in the world is that bitch from The Real Housewives of Crack Country co-hosting the red carpet with one of the Jays from Top Model? Everything that comes out of her mouth is the most ghetto thing uttered at a red carpet event.
“I’m not wowed. Yeah, she look pretty, but I’m still waitin’ for the BOOM.”
“Black girls don’t like vampires. That’s a white girl thang.”
Jesus.
6:10: Kate Walsh, from Grey Anatomy and Private Practice, seems to be a nice lady and has accessorized for the poor gals out there, with a clutch from Aldo and hair by Suave. Although it would help poor gals even more if she ddn’t keep hiding her bag and touching her hair awkwardly. Hmm.
6:11: I’m pretty sure Adrien Grenier is 100% the asshole you think he is.
6:15: Jennifer Love Hewitt, you’re not fooling anyone.
6:18: Andy Samberg, and three other hipsters, talk about somehow foraying their fart jokes into a career. Kate’s Aldo clutch is quickly forgotten.
6:20: Oh my God. Jon Stewart’s wife is not what I expected.
Boring, boring boring.
6:22: Haha, Jerry Ferrara just got caught stepping on Jamie Lynn’s dress and looking terrified.
6:31: STEWIE.
6:31: Mark Walberg: Entourage sucks and it is not going to win. Say hello to your motha for me.
6:36: Hahaha. Nena just called Blake Lively a whore. Which is confirmed by the fact that Ryan Seacrest did nothing but ogle her and send her on her way.
6:40: Hayden Panetierre seems like a nasty stuck-up bitch. And it also appears she is an uneducated dolt.
6:43: “My pinkie toes look like cashews.” I love you, Elaine.
6:48: Umm, is the hot guy from “Hung” really dating/married to Patricia Arquette? Poor choice.
6:50: Jay on Heidi Klum: “Once you get all the way pregnant, you go all the way tight.” Umm, no Jay – that’s not how it goes.
6:56: I love you Tina Fey, but I think I will throw my PB&J at my TV screen if your show wins a million Emmy’s again.
Moving on to the best part of the night : NEIL PATRICK HARRIS
Ugh. Singing….OK, he’s pretty good.Plus, he gave me my first set of celebrity crushes: Joan and Don from Mad Men. How can you not love NPH – I’m pretty sure we would have gay marriage in a heartbeat if this guy was on TV more often. I’m pretty sure gay would be the new plastic surgery.
OK, are they including Entourage on the comedy reel because it is laughably bad? Yes? OK, good.
COMEDY
Supporting Actress in a Comedy Field:
Kristin Chenowith (Pushing Daisies): WHAT? That show is cancelled and someone get her a cheeseburger. Is it just me or does Amy Poehler look pissed. Also, Vanessa Williams gave the best withering look ever, like no, I will not be making an ass out of myself by lampooning the process. What a bitch. But you already knew that.
Best Comedy Writing in a Series:
Matt Hubbard (30 Rock): What the hell, man? This is ridiculous. Since when does one show take over everything.
Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series:
Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men): Boo. Wait, did this guy just say he had a wife and a son? Haha, he is a funny guy.
Best Lead Actress in a Comedy Series:
Toni Colette (United States of What the Fuck is that Show?): When the audience is laughing more at the gag that the other nominee did than clapping for your win, you probably shouldn’t be up there.
NPH is hilarious. Best bit ever. Hahaha.
Guest Guest Actress/Actor in a Comedy Series:
Tina Fey (SNL) and Justin Timberlake (SNL) are both hilarious. Kudos.
Boring.
Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:
Oh my god, I will only be happy if Steve Carrell wins.
Fuck.
Alex Baldwin (30 Rock): Yeah, of course you would trade your Emmy to look like Rob Lowe. BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE A DOZEN OF THEM.
Family Guy bit. Hmm…couldn’t make an original sketch. That was lame.
Oustanding Reality Host:
Jeff Probst (Survivor): Awesome. Don’t care too much about this award, but am a big supporter of not inflating Ryan Seacrest’s head any further.
Reality-Competition Program:
The Amazing Race: Sigh. I really think the Emmys are on crack this year.
MOVIES/MINI-SERIES
All I know about this category is that Grey Gardens should win everything.
Supporting Actress In a Mini-Series:
Shohreh Agadashou (House of Sadamm): Iranian lady from House of Sand and Fog wins. Yay! Love her raspy voice and her dress.
Supporting Actor in a Mini-Series:
Ken Howard (Grey Gardens): Makes Kanye joke. Awww.
Boring, boring. Mad-Eye Moody wins for something. Yay!
Borin, boring. Holy Jesus, the winner for Best Director of a Mini-Series needs a bra and some Spanxx.
Best Lead Actress for a Movie/Mini-Series:
Jessica Lange (Grey Gardens): Yay! Grey Gardens wins! But Drew Barrymore should have walked away with the Emmy for this one. Although I will say that Jessica Lange has aged extremely well. I have a feeling she sucks the youthful essence out of Drew Barrymore – they seem eerily close.
Oustanding Made for TV Movie:
Grey Gardens: So happy.
Boring, boring.
VARIETY
Great reel. Lots of variety.
Best Writing for a Comedy Show Nomination Reel:
Best Gag: The Conan O’Brian Show
Best Writing for a Comedy Show:
The Jon Stewart Show: YAAAAAY! Give the microphone to Jon Stewart. Give the microphone to Jon Stewart. Oh, damn.
Outstsanding Music and Lyrics in a Variety Show:
81st Annual Academy Awards: What, “Mother-lover” doesn’t win an Emmy? Ha!
Oustanding Music, Variety or Talk Show:
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: I will never not be happy that this show wins awards. And I get to stare at Jon Stewart’s handsome, handsome face.
DRAMA
Oustanding Supporting Actor in a Drama:
Michael Emerson (LOST): Creepy, creepy guy on LOST is actually pretty creepy in real life. But he has a smoking hot wife.
Oustanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series:
Cherry Jones (24): Deserved win. I would vote for her for president in a heartbeat – is that wrong? Oh what the fuck is this. This better not be Sarah MacLaughlin. Oh, it’s the…
DEAD PEOPLE REEL. Wow, a lot of great people passed away this year. For some reason, Patrick Swayze makes me the most sad. Good ole Johnny Castle.
Best Director for a Drama Series:
Ron Holcum (ER): Sweet. I love when they accept awards on behalf of someone who has something better to do than go to the Emmys?
Best Writing for a Drama Series:
Mad Men: Really loved this adorable pair and their shout-out to the guy in Starbucks.
Oustanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series:
If Elisabeth Moss wins, my boyfriend will pickett the Mad Men studios…
Glenn Close (Damages): Boring.
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series:
Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad): Why is everyone going ape-shit for this guy? And is it just me or did Jon Hamm look like he was about to start sobbing uncontrollably?
DRUM ROLL, PLEASE
Oustanding Comedy Series:
30 Rock: SIGH. I am so sick of this show winning. And I think Weeds needs to get some Emmy love!
Outstanding Drama Series:
Mad Men!: Awesome. I can’t decide if January Jones’s dress is pretty or weird-looking. She looks like Judy Jetson.
Good Night! Off to watch Mad Men!
Recent Comments